Media Empire Media is a podcast network designed for people who love their information with a heaping spoonful of entertainment. Our podcasts include Adult Harder, Drinking Lessons, It's a Ghost!, Perfectly Puzzled, and more!

Survive the Robot Uprising

We thought we wouldn't have to worry about the robot apocalypse for at LEAST five or six more years. But between laughing Alexa, stripper-bots, and all the inexplicably ill-informed madness happening at the stupid idiot labs of Boston Dynamics, we can't put it off any longer. The robots are coming, and we need to get busy destroying 'em or get busy serving 'em. Either way, our survival is key.

Get a Massage, and Don't be Weird About It

Massages are supposed to be why do they give us so much anxiety? This week, the Smiths take on the many discomforts of getting naked with a stranger and saying, "Put your hands all over me." They teach you how to overcome any massage-related issue, and they've got some pretty good advice about saunas, too.

Face Winter Weather Like a Grown-Up Hero

It’s cold. It is just unbelievably, and endlessly, cold. Unless you live somewhere warm, in which case, we politely invite you to just kiss right off. ‘Cause we’re cold. Just unbelievably, and endlessly, cold.

Fortunately, the Smiths have some tips on how to bear the cold weather, and they even visit the fellows from The Victor Bar in Chicago to ask about some special winter weather cocktails that can warm your subzero spirits!

Disneyland Like an Adult

It's hard to really appreciate Disneyland when you're a kid, and when you're a parent, it's like, ugh, now I have to go on all the baby rides with my kid, ugh. The best way to go to Disneyland is to go by your own childless self! It's not creepy!

This week, the Smiths discuss their wasted youths, the much less magical theme parks that their parents dragged them to as kids, and the best ways to enjoy Disneyland like a grown-up, along with the help of best-selling author and Disneyland planning expert, Gavin Doyle.

Then be sure to check out Gavin's site Mickey Visit to plan your next Disneyland adventure like a real adult!

Be a Better Valentine. Or Don't. We Don't Really Care.

[FAIR WARNING, this episode gets more explicit than most, in some really strange and surprising ways. But don't blame us. Blame our guest.]

Valentine's Day is pretty much the worst, and anyone who likes it is dumb. That said, we've got some great tips on how to be a better Valentine, and we also have a thing or two to say about the traditional V-Day practice of beating virgins with goat skins. Those Romans, man. They were into some kinky stuff. 

And hey, if you don't have a Valentine's date yet, don't worry! We talk with our good friend Lisette Medina, who has a lot of really super advice on how to use dating apps, including a lot of really super examples of why you should completely and totally avoid dating apps at all cost. Look, we'll just say it: This episode gets a little weird.

Get a Room of Your Own

Look, we can't all just be in everyone else's space, like, all the time. Sometimes we have to get away into our own little hovels of secrecy and leave-me-aloneness. Those are the places where we can get creative, blow off some steam, or just take a breath surrounded by our very cool Batman figurines THAT ARE ACTION FIGURES, NOT DOLLS, MOM! The Smiths discuss the importance of having your own space, along with some ideas on how to fill that space, and they talk with Nic Parks, CEO of The Pinball Company, about the role pinball and arcade games play in our lives and/or sanity.

Behave Yourself at the Bar

It's hard to behave well at the bar. We know it's not your fault, it's alcohol's fault. Almost everything is alcohol's fault. But as adults, we should all take steps to be better bar-goers. That doesn't just mean not getting into fights and not vomiting on the floor (although those are very, very important). Good behavior goes way beyond that. We'll prove it with the help of Kelsey Kellgren, bartender at Kasey's, one of Chicago's oldest and most cherished beer bars!

Click here to explore the magic of Kasey's for yourself!

Unlock the Secrets of Secret Menus That are Secret

Pssst. Hey, you. Do you like food? SHHHH! Not so loud! We're talking secret menus on the podcast this week...we're giving a whole rundown of who's who and what's what in the dark, seedy underbelly of black market foodstuffs, including a whole segment on calming yourself down because what you probably think is a secret menu isn't actually a secret menu. Then we open the kimono on a few honest-to-goodness secret menu items in Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York, and then we're joined by Austin, Texas food blogger Emily Teachout, who schools us real good on why people love secret menus, and who also gives us the lowdown on the best kept secrets of the Austin food scene!

Avoid the Emergency Room Like a Responsible Adult

Look, is it easy to keep yourself from sticking power drills through your palm flesh? No. But is it important to stop doing that? Heck yes! Emergency room visits are no treat, despite the fact that George Clooney was so dreamy in that one show about ERs, so this week, the Professors Smith are giving you some A+ tips on how to not injure the hell out of yourself, with a bit of help from Mandie Czarnecki, a Physician Assistant from St. Louis who has worked in the ER for almost a whole decade now. Wow, that's a long time! (Also, they discuss ass goblins.)

Kiss Those New Year's Resolutions Goodbye

This week, the Smiths dispute the supposed "merits" of New Year's resolutions and ask that age-old question: "Why don't we just be better, like, all the time?" They're joined by professional year-round ass-kicker Beth Ryan, who explains the benefits of doing better all year long, not just in January, and she also opens up about her battle with cancer and the impact the disease had on her outlook on how to tackle life. It's honestly a raw and important interview, and then we're joined by some of the Ghosts of Adult Harder past, who tell us how they're going to adult even harder in 2018!

Capture Santa for Your Own Selfish Purposes

Setting a trap for Santa Claus is a Christmas Eve tradition as old as time itself. In this episode, the Smiths discuss the most effective types of Santa traps, as well as how they'd spend their three Christmas wishes, since, when it comes to Santa, genie rules do apply.

Well...Clayton discusses these things, really. Ryan mostly just sits there and wonders how he got roped into recording this nonsense.

They also receive the gift of The World's Best Christmas Cookies from special guest Jordon Quattlebaum, who has his own ideas about trapping Santa. We share Jordon's recipe in the show notes!

Contribute to Christmas Dinner Like a Champ

This week, the Smiths are going all in on this whole "family" thing by making the bold suggestion that it's time for you to adult up and bring some homemade goodness to your holiday party. What's that, you say? "I'm worse at cooking than I am at adulting"? No problem! The professors have some of their own family recipes for you to try, and because those are destined to probably fail, then they kick it over to a real expert, Rorie Raimondi!

Face Your Family Like a Holiday Hero (UPDATED)

Whoops! In what was definitely not a passive-aggressive slight against Clayton's mom, the first version we uploaded today was missing the audio from her interview. But now the tech issues have been solved, because we're a couple of geniuses over here, so here we go!

The holidays are nothing if not the perfect time to practice your latest political diatribes and hygiene-related insults. BUT ALLOW YOURSELF A MOMENT TO DREAM! What if you could go home for the holidays and NOT leave all bruised, bloodied, and emotionally broken?

This week, the Smiths tackle the tough topic of how to handle your unreasonably irrational family members, and they put their money where their mouths are by interviewing Clayton's greatest political opponent: His mom.

Decorate for the Holidays Like a Serious Real Person

Some people think decorating for the holidays is easy, and that's absolutely correct. Tape some Christmas lights to your couch, and you're all set! Well, that's what the Professors Smith thought, anyway. But then Hollis Scarborough of Silvercreek Creative came along and blew their minds to Christmas pieces. She shares her next-level holiday decorating tips this week, and the Smiths add a few of their own ideas, and, spoiler alert: They're amazing, and VERY smart.

Communicate with Laser-Like Focus

Look, let's face it: Communication is hard. And it's not made any easier by the fact that digital platforms give us a pretty good GD excuse to say things to people without having to actually talk to them. But it's important to know how to communicate well, because poor communication is the root of fights, and of poor work evaluations, which is a VERY grown-up thing to be worried about. This week, author and teacher Ben Tanzer joins the Smiths and helps them crack the code on how to communicate like a serious person.

Get Some GD Culture

Culture is the sweet-ass spice of life that makes it worth living. Shakespeare said that. Or maybe it was Gandhi. Or maybe Axl Rose? Look, it doesn't matter. Culture is important, and we're diving brain-first into our new Get Some GD Culture series with a look at the business of show. It's time to get theater-y AF. 

De-Stress Already

Boy, stress is sure awful. Not only does it cause anxiety, but, as the Smiths learned this week, it can lead to sudden and nigh-inexplicable death. Just absolute, total death. So join the guys as they dive into the wonderful world of de-stressing and share some great tips on how to relax your mind with special guest Victor Mazzeo!